Yesterday I went to a class at Exhale in Boston. Out of respect for the teacher I am not going to mention a name or time. I will just say Teacher.
I got to class right on time and settled in. There were on three people in the class – which for New York is light, but for Boston it is probably normal in a primarily financial area at lunch time.
I taught a lot of small group classes in the beginning of my yoga teaching career. For me, it was really a chance for me to connect and learn how to help people individually within a diverse environment.
There were 2 other people in class: a slightly overweight middle aged woman. By no means was she “fat” but it was clear that postures the instructor could ease into were a bit difficult for her. The other woman was an older woman. Probably in her 60’s – who did not seem to practice often and I noticed throughout the class she would try and modify on her own. And then there was me. I was probably the only “regular” practitioner of yoga. However, lately every pose has been a challenge for me. I have been stuck with a cold for the past week and I have not been regular with my practice since my boyfriend moved to Boston, (which added on about 8 hours of crunched up sitting on a bus/week). So even though I might be the most “advanced” it did not mean I was “better,” for lack of a better word, than the other students in the class. In fact, especially lately, I have felt like the elephant in the room, the one who looks like she should be able to do all of the poses but cant.
Anyway. The point of all of this description was that the teacher didn’t ask us about us. He didn’t introduce himself, he didn’t ask me if I had an injury or anything. He didn’t ask anyone in class how long they have been practicing. I was a little surprised but I let it go.
We moved through the warm up and into some of the more challenging sequences. At this point I looked over to the older woman to my right and I saw her struggling a bit. Going from warrior one, to warrior two, to reverse warrior, to side angle, is challenging for ANYONE. I saw her trying to modify and having trouble and the inner teacher/saver wanted to run over and help her and show her how she can use blocks or come down to a knee. But obviously, I couldn’t and I didn’t.
As class continued the teacher taught just as Iyengar writes in Light on Yoga. All description and no heart. I noticed that the Teacher did not even look at us when we moved through the postures to make sure we were doing things in an aligned way. Teacher just moved on without adding any personality to the postures. It was just reaching the right leg up. Place foot through. Arms up. no heart.
This is when I began to realize that I am a good teacher.
Not only do I engage with my classes so it is more of a conversation between my teaching and their bodies, but I also am incredibly ‘on top’ of helping those who are having trouble. I walk into every class hoping that my students feel rejuvenated – not defeated.
So as class went on I kept this in mind and started to feel a little confident about my teaching. This confidence automatically translated into the way I moved in the room. I took on challenging poses and advanced when I felt ready. I held my balance better than I have been as of late, and I ended the class feeling strong.
Lately, I have not been teaching adult classes because I am planning to move. Since I would have to engage with new studios it is probably not in my best interest to make and then break a relationship. In a way, although this decision has given me time to practice more and gain inspiration but instead, I have felt crappy. I have felt like a not-real yoga instructor. I guess I fell into the swamp of “I can’t do x,y,z so therefore I suck.”
But that all changed while I was in this class. At the end of class the teacher asked me if I was a teacher. Teacher didn’t ask me what my name was, just if I was a teacher. I smiled and said yes. My thoughts fired a mile a minute. “omg it must be obvious!” “I must give it off!”
A woman in the class came up to me as well and asked me where I teach. I told her I am only teaching privates and kids right now as I am in transition to move to Boston. She seemed excited that I would be joining the Yoga Community here and wished me well.
I felt so good leaving the class and rushed to a cafe to write about my experience. It was a perfect reminder that confidence can find you anywhere. Especially when you don’t expect it.
