i know.
you are thinking: jessie, it is 1130 am, breathe.
but i specifically scheduled in sleeping in this morning and when i woke up at 930 instead of lying back down and sleeping for another hour, i got up and checked my phone. mistake #1.
my phone was flodded with texts from my family. i love my family. i am trying relly hard, and i think i am succeeding, at being a better daughter and sister that helps and heals. but today, because i didnt let myself breathe before i took the phone back to bed with me, i fumbled the ball.
i fumbled the ball because this is the day i gave myself to rest and sleep and take care of myself and by 1130 i was in cyber overload. mistake #2.
i then went on the computer and checked the email and start doing my football picks. WHY DIDNT I JUST PUT MY PHONE AWAY? i know i respond better when i am in a better mental place. mistake #3.
then, once i took something wrong in a conversation i almost blamed it on my period coming, but instead, i took responsibility for my own crazyness, i closed my computer and started to vent in writing on paper and realized that im really not taking care of myself.
and this is kind of my thought theme of the week, which was all sparked when my friend asked me on tuesday, “how are YOU,” as in, not my mom, not my grandma, not my brothers, not work, not my boyfriend, not my boyfriends parents, not yoga, not money, not what everyone else says…..i was silent. i just replied i dont know. i dont think i am okay. i dont feel happy. i feel like i take care of myself in a way that the outside world sees, like by yoga and getting my nails done, but inside i am really sad and im not really listening to what i need.
so, with 4 hours until work, not counting travel time, i am doing a do-over. im taking an internet break, eating breakfast/lunch, watching meanless tv, going to yoga and going to work.
