Speak Your Inspiration

“You were meant to be extraordinary.”

Confession: I spent yesterday completly stuck in my own brain.

My brain and I got into a huge disagreement today over whether or not I should go to the advanced yoga class at Vira Yoga. “Your tired,” “you can go to a regular class later,” “why go? Your not that advanced anyway.” My brain whined. But I fought back. I had made a commitment to myself to go and I was sticking to it. If I had waited, I know I would have found another excuse not to go later on. So take that, doubt!

I had a great day today and I spent it completly alone.
I felt connected to strangers, inspired and strong (rode my bike to my Upperwest side apartment from Williamsburg and back) and took an amazing yoga class during the supposed earthquake with my mentor, Elena Brower.

In listening to Handel Group Radio as I rode, attending yoga, and keeping my chin up, I learned the following:

Behind every horrific circumstance is someone searching for love

When you are reaching for a quality in someone else you really are lacking it in yourself. Become That quality or word (for me it is commitment) – realize you have been wanting that quality or word your whole life – and embrace it so much that it inspires everyone.

everyone has mentors and people they admire. it could be a family member or colleague or celebrity. for me, im inspired by yoga instructors and princess kate. from the moment she came into the public eye i was drawn to her. she is absolutly beautiful, she has a lot to deal with and a lot of judgement coming her way, and she carries herself so well. so graceful. 

i want to be like that. i want to smile at every moment with grace and carry myself with integrity. 

so with that, i have to confess that i hold myself to a bar that i should be like her. so if i do not act like her – if i drink too much, if im late, if my outfit is not perfect (which it never is), if i overreact or get over emotional – i add an extra beat up session of how i didnt follow along the lines of “what would princess kate do.” 

the lesson i learn from this is that if i just acted myself, and trusted myself, and noticed all of the qualities i already have that are like kate, and embraced the qualities i liked about her that i may not have- i would be starting from a place of confidence acknowledging my own goodness, instead of holding myself to an unrealistic bar of whats good and whats not good. from embracing, not fighting, myself, i am more willing and able to open up and make tweaks to my personality and the way i “deal” with the world.  

i have a problem with writing and that problem is me. 

i think i have thought about writing this blog for the last month and a half. i said to myself – “i am going to write once a week!” i made a promise to myself to do so – had inspired moments walking down NYC streets – where i could say a nice, positive, internal “yes!” to my ideas and my path – and yet, i have not blogged. i spent a lot of time i looking at other blogs, customizing this blog, reading other blogs, and genuinely feeling like i had nothing to say. nonetheless – i became an escape artist of my own life and dreams. 

wow, you are thinking. wow this sounds drastic: “she hasnt blogged, so therefore shes a sellout?”

no, thats not the point. the blog is like a symtom of the larger problem, a branch on a tree. its a way that i get inspired, have AHA moments, and then retreat back to my low self, my inner Eeyore (http://dollface79.bravepages.com/pbear/eeyore.html) and i let myself go. 

other classic examples:

ill miss yoga class with the excuse im too tired 

i wont clean my house

i wont take time to take care of myself – as in do my hair, make sure im dressed in a way that i find stylish, makeup. whats makeup?

i will avoid conversations with people that i know i need to have

ill tell myself “just not the right time”

i wont run but i would love to be thinner

i want to meditate – everyday. but do i?

i have a heartful of ideas and goals and dreams – but i am not necessarily on the path to complete them. 

the list goes on. but you can see, its not about the blog. its about me and my commitment and my faith in myself. and the daily up and down, in and outs i go through – is what this blog will be about going forward.

everyone writes about healing, lessons learned and progress but rarely do i see anyone write about what it feels to be going through something – and not know what lesson to follow. 

we hear it all:

let go.

fight for what you want.

open to possibility. 

listen to your heart.

dont give up on yourself. 

follow whats most charming. 

etc.

so what do you listen to?